I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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