woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
