Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
