someone threw a dead crab at me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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