What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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