Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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