my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
