sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
