Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
