i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
