I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
