i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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