Sponge bath it is.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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