duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
This toilet bowl is my home.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize