he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
