yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
