last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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