My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
