i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
