I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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