I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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