in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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