I'm pants shitting drunk right now
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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