I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
