saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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