I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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