like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
