Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
