Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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