he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
