Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
