I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
