yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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