frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
