I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
