I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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