so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
