It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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