??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
