worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
