well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
