You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
