don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
