I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
