i need an iv and a liver transplant
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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