She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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