I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need to sanitize my soul.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
