My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
