Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
