after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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