look no pants
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
