hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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