I'll bet she douches with gravy.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
