A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
