How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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