Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
