I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Houston, we have a squirter
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
