OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
