does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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