So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
