i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
