there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
