Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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