I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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