I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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