i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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