So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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