A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
