In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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