You can't motorboat a personality
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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