Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
