I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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