I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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