I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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