also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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