I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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