If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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