I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
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you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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