ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
