i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
