My hand turned me down
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
